Over thinking and terrified to make mistakes that could be critical

by Dianna
(Ontario, Canada)

Im am new here and really want to work through this fear and enjoy riding. I am 47 yrs old and have enjoyed riding on the back of my husbands Fatboy. Decided to learn to ride my own. Hubby literally buys me a 2009 Honda Rebel a week later. Have the bike for 3 hours and head to practice in parking lot. Got friction down and he had me doing laps in 1 st gear. All was good till I was taking a turn to wide and panicked- went blank and reached for brake and hit throttle, dropped the clutch and ran THRU a chain linked fence- yup you heard right. So scarey I was in shock but no serious injury. Best case scenerio cause the fence slowed me down and grass on other side where me and bike landed. My wrist was xrayed but not broken. Bike had a few minor repairs. Needless to say I have a new appreciation, awareness and FEAR of riding. I took the safety class 5 days after but was so scared that I failed cause I was afraid to go into 2nd gear not really understanding the gear system. My confidence is so shaken. My husband made me go back to another lot to practice but had the throttle rev again reaching for brake. Still find I have to think about everything I do. When I'm in 2nd gear I'm thinking ahead of what process I need to do next. Took it out on a few barren sidestreets in my neighbourhood but had trouble with friction- stalled 2x's at stops. Walk by my bike daily and part of me wants to jump on and go and part of me gets so full of fear Im prayin for rain - lol. I really want to do this but feel so afraid to go blank. Thanks for the ear gals.

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Jun 11, 2013
Feeling more confident
by: Dianna

Still motorin along. Staying in neighbourhood. Lots of 4ways and stops. Only stalled once cause I was in 2nd gear. Definitely having lots of opportunities to be shifting, but only up to 4th at most. On my rebel it's about all I can give-e'r with short stretches until stops. Swear I feel like a million bucks when I return home and have successfully and confidently gone through gears, stopped properly, not stalled and make it home safe. Not jumpin the gun, still practicing around my area. Sometimes I struggle with trying to up shift after completing a turn, not sure what the deal is but looking at my foot is not a good idea. Realize how impatient people are and how they like to ride ur ass. Soo annoying. I am plugging away and actually get excited to go out instead of butterflies. Think I'm gona love this. Keep you posted. Thanks

Jun 11, 2013
You go girl!
by: Karen


Stick with it! In time you will come into your own. I started to ride at 50, rode a dirt bike first then took a class. I too had issues taking off (giving enough gas), did tip the bike after I lost my footing in a parking lot! lol But now...2 years later I an confident, aware, and above all a safe rider. I watch everything! you have too. Just stick with it, the more you ride the better you become.

Good luck!

Jun 03, 2013
by: pink rose

Keep up the good work it will all click for you,I had trouble with stops to and hills was the worst I learned how not to stall my bike when taking off,now I just once in awhile I will kill it manly when the old man is with me,I tell him that I did not stall today,and then we go riding together and what happens I stall lol I think I am more nerves when riding then him.I am just fine one my own.But don't give up it will click.

Jun 03, 2013
Still chugging along
by: Dianna

Well I'm learning that after a great neighbourhood practice ride, I came back feeling like a rockstar.......only to go the next evening and stalled at most stop signs, bunny hopped through intersection at 4 way. I realized that when you have the pressure of cars behind you, walkers, porch sitters there is more nerve frazzling moments. Holding up traffic behind you while trying to restart and go is soooo frustrating. I'm gona be the laughing stalk of our neighbourhood. Rockstar night I was cheating when coming to stop signs with no traffic, I would balance for a second and roll so no stalls of course.. I cannot figure out why putting my feet down makes all the difference in friction point irregularities. I know I should be doing all stops with foot down and will be from now on because it's an easy habit to get into- especially when there's no traffic around to worry about. Haven't gotten out of 4 th gear yet because of short streets and my need to be looking ahead at dreaded stop approaching. Hard not to get discouraged. Tomorw I will ever so humbly go out again and practice frequent stops in 1st and takeoffs. Funny because I don't feel like I am dropping the clutch too fast but it does freak me out to throttle too much and dart out. I have a new awareness and respect for every bike I hear pull away from 4 way at corner of my house. Sounds easy......... Till tomorw my new biker chic friends, tanks

May 21, 2013
Thank god I'm not alone
by: Dianna

Thanks so much for the inspiration. I did take the 2day safety course at community college. I found they didn't have the repetition "I" needed for lessons to sink in. I didn't expect special treatment but riding a motorcycle takes many miles of parking lot practice. Considering how many of us have had spills the course was frustrating for me because everytime I said I was unsure of the process of gear, clutch, braking, shifting.....they would say " you'll be fine" NO I am operating a vehicle and have no grasp of what the $&! I'm doing. Wish I knew to go to class with some experience but will do retest later in season. They never emphasized NEVER let go of clutch in different circumstances. Anyway not here to diss class but this is a dangerous sport to be poo- pooed. I find parking lots to be a false spence of security for me but good to practice specific things. Man when ya add even a little traffic ahead and behind- whole new experience. My mind was realing about what to do next- always. It's like I draw blanks about whether to brake, shift down or both. Give me a 100 mile barren road and I can keep rubber down but stalling in front of traffic. - twice - makes me feel like if I can't get friction down then I'm doomed. Does anyone rest on back brake while starting out from a stop to negotiate friction? My Rebel is in repair shop for bent gear shifter from the........accident. So I'll be either in fear that I've lost all retained knowlege from downtime or relieved the heart palpitations have eased up

May 21, 2013
ME TOO!!!!
by: Anonymous

A huge thank you to all of you---it helps so much to know I'm not the only new woman rider who's questioning my ability to do this---I don't question that I WANT to ride, only if I have the guts/coordination/clear head that's required!

I've been riding about 5 months--took the 2 day safety course, passed, and bought a 2009 Triumph Street Triple. Been riding as much as I can, but the winter in CO brought a lot of cold weather.

So far I've dumped 4 times--all at slow speeds and 2 while turning--I think I was going too slow, looked down, hit gravel, and down I went. Last weekend my poor bike couldn't take anymore and when I dumped her again, the shifter bent so much that my husband declared her off-limits 'til a new one comes in. (Couple days). So I'm back to the books/videos, and then the PARKING LOT to practice.

My biggest fear is curves--but, I do think I've been going about it all wrong--putting most weight on the handle bars, trying NOT to lean, braking while in the curve--just freezing up and being scared. In hind sight I'm trying to convince myself that curvy ride (husband took me in the foothills w lots of twisties to 'baptize by fire', but didn't work) was actually a good thing. Hopefully I now know in my head what to do, and won't freeze up--at least not as much.

New shifter should be in by the weekend--we'll see how it goes!! Again, thanks to all of you for being there---it helps so much to know it's not just me and that we'll all get there and enjoy the ride!

May 21, 2013
You will get it.
by: Nana

I passed my MSC having never been on a motorcycle. Then I went to the parking lot - I stayed in the parking lot for 3 months before I got out on the street. In those 3 months I never got higher than 3 gear. I can't tell you how many times I dropped my bike. I certainly learned to pick it up by myself.

But, I'm either crazy or determined (maybe both?) so I kept after it. There were a couple of spectacular wipeouts that had me crying and thinking I couldn't do it. My fella would just back off - not push - and let me work through it on my own. The longest period of time I took off from riding was 2 weeks. But something drew me back in.

How I started to really improve was when I rode every.single.day for a couple of weeks. Then the muscle memory started kicking in. As for the friction zone - what helped me was when my fella put his hand over mine in the driveway and helped me "feel" when the clutch engaged. That is something that is critical when stopped on an incline. You have to keep the clutch in the friction zone or you roll back or kill it.

I started this process when I turned 50. I am now 52 and bought a bigger bike. I have taken a few long trips and am planning a week long trip with friends this summer. I'm so glad I stuck it out.

May 21, 2013
MSF Basic Rider Course
by: Gypsy Spirit

Hi Dianna ...
The MSF Basic Rider Course starts out with identifying how everything on the motorcycle works. The first moving exercise is power walking the bike to learn the feel of the friction point and the bike in general.
There will be some variation in emphasis, due to an instructor's personality, but the objective is to license a safe rider. If your attention is still focused on how the controls work, you're not paying enough attention to traffic and other road hazards! Eventually all the controls become as second nature as driving a car.
There are other courses out there that don't follow the same structure as MSF,so I'm not sure what course you took.

Clutching terms can be confusing. Engaging and disengaging the clutch isn't the same as pulling in the lever and letting back out through the friction zone. How it actually works always seemed backwards to me, so I can see how you can get confused with what different people say.

From a stand still ... GRADUALLY let go of the clutch lever until you feel the bike start to want to move forward. At this point, slowly roll on the throttle as you continue to let go of the clutch lever. If you at any point feel like the bike is moving too fast, or going to get away from you, pull the clutch lever in all the way and start all over again once you feel in control of the bike (not necessarily from stand still). It's essentially the same to shift through all the gears, up and down. ... and YES, use your brakes to help slow the bike to match the speed of the gear you are downshifting into.

You have the right attitude! Keep at it. Ride safe and enjoy! Let me know if my words help, even if only to add a little extra confidence!

May 20, 2013
First time on short ride
by: Dianna

Well made in back in 1 piece but that $&?! Friction point got me a few times at lights and stop signs. My husband was uncharacteristically patient- thank god. Had a few times where I downshifted and was going too fast for the gear, hate that lugging feeling. I'm thinking I can rear brake gently before downshifting to lower speed?? to match gear....?Wish I could tape record questions as I'm riding to ask hubby afterwards. All in all I loved the straightaway riding but must admit when there is lights or stop signs I do get tense having to signal, clutch-gear down, brake and friction, turn off signal.. Lots to remember but I'm hell bound on takin e'r slow and doing hours of friction in parking lots. Ps. Some people say to give it throttle then release clutch slowly, others do opposite.. Release clutch as givin it throttle?

May 20, 2013
msf class
by: Anonymous

I took the MSF class and the person who scored the best in our class had never been on a bike. He had no bad habits to break.

May 19, 2013
Thanks for the pep talk girls
by: AnonymousDianna

I want to clarify, I did take the safety class and didn't pass. I was told I went too slow but most all was on target. I did find that out of the 15 of us, the 4 who failed were never on a bike before and 80% of the rest rode up on their own bike. In my opinion you must attend these classes after youve had some bike time in parking lot and go there knowing a few essentials. I was told you never come out of 1st gear at class..... They showed us then we were to shift. As I found out it was not as simple as that when your in a small scale area and haven't got the basic repetitive system down. I'm not dissin class but would have liked to know that it's primarily a SAFETY class. Well tomorrow my husband is taking me on an early morning ride. He'll ride behind me and it is a 1 lane, slow moving street with a few lights. Excited but scared to mess up. Ps- riding as a passenger I noticed he shifts 2-3 gears down at lights without releasing clutch in between. Throws a whole new twist on things just when I'm feeling like the process is sinkin in.. Don't worry I'm sticking to 50 km and the mantra " the clutch is my friend". He'll be frustrated to no end if I'm lollygagin in 2nd the whole time. Let ya know how I make out. Tanks again for words of encouragement.

May 17, 2013
Practice and Patience
by: Noelle

You will get it. I have been riding for 2 years but not alot of miles in those 2 years. I just bought a larger bike, a Harley Street Bob and I'm still a little nervous and getting used to yet another clutch. But I just keep at it. i try to ride at least a few minutes every day. And every day I make mistakes and I reach new milestones. Don't give up and ride within your comfort zone but try to push yourself a little further each time. Kepp going! You can do it!!

May 17, 2013
Hang in there it gets...awesome!
by: Michele

I am 51 and just got my first street bike for my birthday 3 months ago. I too had to retake my safety course due to not keeping my speed up. The second time around was so much easier because I knew what to expect. I practiced with my bike in a parking lot for several hours on a couple of weekends. Then one weekend my husband said let's go for a short ride. I was petrified!!!! I slowed down a lot for curves and stalled several times when starting out. Every time I get back on the bike I get butterflies and nausea. I start off with a death grip as well...but each time the fear dissolves quicker and quicker. Yesterday we went out for a 50+ mile ride and my fears left the moment I hit the road!!! It was the best ride yet. I felt the wind and smelled the fresh cut grass, pine trees,flowering shrubs, felt the warmth of the sun on me and felt sooooooooooo free! I enjoyed the whole ride and actually relaxed and enjoyed my surroundings as well. Hang in there girl you will get there...we will get there together :) I am commited to a 1200+ mile ride in a month and I am finally thinking about how fun it will be instead of worrying about all the problems I could encounter.

May 17, 2013
You are not alone
by: Mary

I can really relate to your situation. I had a boyfriend who tried to teach me to drive 35 years ago (I'm 56 now ) and I ended up with the throttle wide open and laid the bike down. I never tried again until last year. My husband got a new bike which left his 2003 Suzuki Volusia without a rider. He comes from a family where everyone rides including his 78 year old mother. So, his mom immediately started encouraging me to learn to ride. She told me that I would never want to ride on the back again once I had driven myself. (That is very true.) That said I was scared to get on. I am an ER nurse and I've seen a lot. Oddly, I have always trusted my husband and never had fear riding on the back with him. My husband did some basic instruction and I did a little riding in the parking lot of the hospital where I work. I then took the Rider Safety Class and passed by one point. I only went on a few rides after getting my license since winter comes early in Wyoming. My husband has been really encouraging and we have a good friend who also has really been there for me. He went on rides with us and he would take the lead and my husband would come up the rear so I felt somewhat safe between them. I have only been on a couple of rides so far this year but I am now starting to think of the bike as "MY" bike and I really love it when we go out. We are planning a longer trip in a couple of weeks and will be my first "road" trip. I now feel comfortable riding at the speed limit so don't give up. You can do it. I did find that initially I would overthink things. You will get past that and it will become second nature. I would also recommend taking the class again. The more practice you get the better. I just found this website and I'm frankly encouraged to see so many ladies who have taken up riding later in life.

May 15, 2013
Keep at it
by: Pam Redfern

Sounds like you need to be in a parking lot practicing with a friendnot your husband. Husbands push and push, they become frustrated for you. A friend will stay calm the really problem is that most riders don't know how to coach and they don't know what to look for when you are out riding, to help you get better. Only a trained rider coach can. Once you find out what you are doing right and what needs correcting, you will become more at easy in the saddle.

I am a rider coach of BRC and a coach of Precision Riding skills. Check ot civilian top gun or Pam Redfern on youtub.com, to see what those skills are. This information is given to you, so you can see I do know a litte bit about riding a motorcycle.

I've been riding since 2005,and haven't stopped taking classes or practicing my skills. Don't give up or stop practicing no matter how good you get

May 15, 2013
by: Cheryl R.


Your story brings back the un-pleasant memories of my learning experience!!! I did the EXACT same thing last spring while practicing 1 month before my motorcycle safety course was to begin. I ran right into a guard rail (in the empty lot where I was practicing) busted one of my turn signal lights and put a "fist" size dent INTO MY BRAND NEW HARLEY SPORTSTER 1200L TANK....Thank GOD I wasn't seriously hurt, just a contusion to my left leg and my pride was slightly crushed. The bike was still drive-able so my boyfriend picked it up and made me get right back on at that very moment. My confusion also was with the understanding of the mechanics of the motorcycle and shifting, downshifting etc....I continued to practice, passed the class, got my license and never really looked back. I will say tho' I rode with that "dent" in my tank all summer long as a reminder to myself to respect the bike, the road, and the seriousness of riding. I have since fixed the tank and LOVE riding every chance I get.

I will definately admit that I should've taken the safety course 1st, once I took the class everything seemed to "click".

Don't give up !!!!! It does get easier and once it gets easier it becomes soooo much fun!!!

Good Luck and keep us posted!!

May 15, 2013
I'm right there with you!
by: Chandra S

I'm 46, and about a year ago I got tired of the pillion.

I enrolled in the MSF basic course to learn. The first exercise, I dropped the bike, and the instructors gently but firmly pulled me aside and told me that I wasn't ready for prime time yet.

About a month later I got my nerves together and went out to an empty parking lot with my husband's bike. After a few days of foot-dragging and wobbling around I made my first lap all the way around the parking lot. I got SO excited that when I tried to stop I "snatched" the front brake, rolling the throttle at the same time, and went full-panic-out-of-control into a dumpster. It was 10 mph, so no hospital visit, just a little road rash. But, I bent his forks. By the time those were fixed winter was upon us, so I was off the saddle for about 5 months.

I'm about a month into "Learn to Ride Episode 3: Never Surrender" and everything is going okay so far, but I am still one nervous Nelly a lot of the time! I get really down on myself sometimes because it seems like I'm the only one that is learning so slow, but I will NOT give up. We go out to an empty parking lot about 2 or 3 days a week, and I very rarely practice for more than 15 minutes or so because keeping the clutch in the friction zone makes my left hand really tired. It may take me the rest of the summer, but I will master this. You will too, I'm just sure of it. Lots of great advice in earlier comments, and I intend to apply it myself!

May 15, 2013
You aren't alone
by: Jean

First off, congrads on wanting to ride your own. Everyone has pretty much commented on what I was going to say, except for this one little thing. Keep your hands off of the hand brake, from my own experience, it'll dump you almost everytime. Use your back brake to slow you down. For quick stops, when you get to that point, then use both brakes. I started riding when I was 50, 3 yrs ago. I started out on a honda 800, I stayed with that bike for less than a yr and then moved up to an 1100. After 4-5000 miles (they add up really quick) things will just start 'clicking' and you'll have a great time. The learning part is always intimating. I can't even tell you have many times I've dumped my first bike. Finally realized that it was from me on the hand brake. You'll be a great rider, respect the power of the bike, but don't let the fear control you. I am assuming that you have kids? If you survived them, then you can handle ANYTHING!!! LOL.
Stay safe and please keep us posted.

May 15, 2013
Don't give up!
by: Joan

Dianna, I was the same way when I first started riding. (I got my license at age 55 after taking the Rider's Edge course through Harley-Davidson...I'm 58 now.) My husband bought me a Honda Rebel to start out...really is a great bike to learn on. Like you, I would go outside and look at it and really want to get on and ride, but I was also scared to. My stomach would get the biggest butterflies almost to the point of being sick. My husband kept encouraging me to ride it. He would ride it down to a big parking lot and I would follow him in my car. Then I would get on and ride it around the parking lot for awhile. We did this several times until I felt comfortable enough to ride it to the parking lot by myself. Eventually, I was able to venture out more and more, but I would make sure and ride in places that I was familiar with and had light traffic. After awhile, I was ready to do a little more challenging rides. I ended up selling my Rebel after about 6 months or so and bought a Yamaha V-Star 650. I rode it for a little while and now have a Harley Sporster Superlow that I bought in 2011. I have almost 10,000 miles on it and LOVE to ride. I still have days that I get the butterflies, but as soon as I’m on the road riding, they go away. I also still go down to the parking lot and practice.

I would highly encourage you to re-take the safety course. You might also like to check out the DVD – “Learn to Ride The Easy Way” from the ‘Ride Like a Pro’ series. Here is their website: https://www.ridelikeapro.com/store-products/instructional-dvds?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=19&category_id=6

I have it and watched it over and over again when I first started riding and even still will get it out and re-watch it.

Don’t give up. You CAN do this!

May 15, 2013
Only ONE first answer
by: Angie

HI there - Good for you for seeking advice. You didn't say you've taken a motorcycle safety course. That's the only first answer to your problem. You need a full class that starts off with the basics rather than having your husband teach you in a parking lot. Hands down, that MUST be your next first step to fixing this. Come back and report in once you've done that and I bet you'll have nothing but positive comments! Good luck!

May 15, 2013
I know how you feel!
by: Anonymous

I totally know what you are going through, I am 58 years old, I started last year, I had to stop for the winter, but now Im gonna start again in parking lots, I to over think it all, so I have to have a clear mind, and r
I try to stay really focused, on looking ahead, as I learned in the class, I failed two classes, and then took a private class, which was really helpful.I was determined not to give up! I am staying with it, because, it really is fun. But I will take my time as people have told me do it at your own rate. I finally realized age has nothing to do with it!
Good luck ....

May 15, 2013
Take your time
by: Wanda H

Hi Dianna & welcome to the wonderful world of Lady Bikers. All of us have gone through the same type of fear you are experiencing and it's very natural.I have been a licensed rider now for 5 years, but grew up riding mini-bikes and dirt bikes with my brothers. The Honda Rebel is a wonderful beginner bike and will allow you to practice and become more familiar with operating a motorcycle. You said that you took the safety class but failed it. My advice is to go back and do it again. You've heard the old saying "Practice makes perfect"?...well, that goes for learning to ride too. Don't be afraid to think ahead, but try to focus on what you are doing at that moment. Be patient and not in a hurry.I also agree with J that U need to practice using all gears. My bike (2001 Honda Shadow Spirit 750) is 5 speed...1 down & 4 up. If you are able to ride some back roads that don't have much traffic, I suggest you go there to practice until you feel more comfortable with stopping, going & shifting gears. Don't ride at high speeds until you are comfortable with your bike.Get your husband or another veteran rider to go on these learning adventures on his/her own bike. That way you have someone there to guide you or assist you should anything happen. That's how I started out riding my own street bike. I found a couple of friends that knew I was just starting out so when they rode with me, they actually followed behind and then would give me pointers. I wish you much success in your adventure and remember....BE PATIENT & PRACTICE. Keep me informed & feel free to contact me if you have questions. Wikid1da@aol.com Have a BLESS'D DAY & RIDE SAFE!!

May 15, 2013
Getting over the fear
by: Jeanne

I totally understand where you are coming from. I finally got the nerve to learn to ride when I was 48 and almost quit taking the class after the first exercise - friction control. I strongly urge you to take it slow and feel very comfortable with your friction control. Take the bike to a flat area and practice that over and over. When you are ready, add letting the bike go forward and using your brake. Do that over and over. Once you are comfortable, add some speed and shift into second then gear down and stop. Do it over and over.

After I passed my class I ended up teaching my son how to ride. I took him to a large parking lot and we did this. He was very comfortable and a bit over confident. I told him NOT to take the curve until we went over that part...what did he do? Took the curve in the parking lot...laid my bike down! Fortunately he was not going fast and did not get hurt (other than his pride) but he decided to listen to Mom's instruction and take it slow.

Getting comfortable is the key...and practice over and over and over. Every ride is different. I have been riding for 2 years now and have logged 7000 miles. I still find myself overthinking sometimes and remind myself to relax and enjoy the ride!

You will get it. Keep us posted on your success!

May 15, 2013
The Clutch is your FRIEND!
by: Gypsy Spirit

Hi Dianna ...

Keep at it. Take the MSF course again. Remember your CLUTCH is your FRIEND! As long as you have your clutch pulled in, it doesn't matter how much gas you give the engine, the clutch keeps it from the wheels.

Control your speed on tight maneuvers, like those "in the box" figure 8s in the MSF course, with your CLUTCH.

Keep practicing. Eventually you'll get the feel for braking without twisting the throttle. In the meantime, your clutch will allow you to brake efficiently without the engine still pulling you along.

I know it's scary to lose control early on. I couldn't maneuver a turn and rode down a flight of garden stairs the first time I was on a bike (mini bike) by myself. That was in 1970 ... I've been riding ever since.

Keep us all posted with your progress, especially the day it all comes together with a resounding "YES! I CAN do this!" I can already feel the excitement!


May 15, 2013
by: pink rose

Don't let anyone make you get on and ride.I to have promblems with stalling at stops but I ride anyway I have 400 miles on me so far. And I go by myself other people will make you nervous and you over think things.just take it slow and you will ride when ready to.I would retake the course I did my last year and passed it.Now I am retaking it next week with my Daughter just to get a refresher of everything.Keep the rubber side down and have fun you will get there.

May 15, 2013
Over thinking
by: J

Hi neighbour,im in toronto. First let me say, YOU have to practice in more than one gear!dont be afraid, but be aware of what u r doing.. UP with foot to go faster, down to slow down. 1,2,3. etc 3,2,1. the foot actions.. if u can, try just sitting on the bike in neutral then.bike off to start.
dont ride it... then shift gears up and down. try that first. throttle off to shift down throttle up (more gas) to go faster. practice this. like wringing a cloth of water, each wrist goes the opposite way.

then go to a big parking lot!!! ride straight 1st 2nd gear.. then, reverse, 2nd, 1st gear to slow down, ease on the breaks.. dont go too slow turning, or YOU WILL FALL. I have, so I know..
let me know how it goes.

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