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Over Protective?

by Veronica
(Valley Forge)

I have an amazing husband who no doubt loves me and who is also a very experienced rider (40 plus years over 250,000 miles). I got my license July 10th, rode my rebel and moved up to a Harley Softail Slim late August. Had issues learning to ride the Slim (dropped the bike 6 times -- braking issues). My hubby figured out what I was doing wrong (braking too hard with front break) and now I can make controlled smooth stops -- sometimes with one foot down and taking off with only one foot down. Admittedly I need practice in perfecting my friction zone, cornering, tight turns etc. I know I have lots to learn and with practice my skills will improve. Here is my problem. I believe that I will only really learn to ride by riding -- going round and around my neighborhood isn't going to do it. I believe my husband fears my going on the road. The fees short trips out of the neighborhood with him following he was upset that I wasn't exactly at or exceeding the speed limit. I believe I need to figure this out and won't be riding like he does at least not yet. I also believe the time has come to let me get on the streets (at times with the least amount of traffic and let me work through what I need to do to ride). We have had this discussion several times and can't see eye to eye. Am I destined to keep riding the neighborhood? Do I go out alone? Do I let him follow me? I really believe if I don't get out there and ride I will never learn. I know he is scared but his being scared affects my confidence. Ladies what do you think and/or what has been your experience?

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Sep 23, 2013
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Over Protective
by: BarbieButzer

I agree with Karen. I did the very same thing. I took off riding on my own - getting my own experiences, without him watching. It was the best thing I ever did. I too, had trouble with breaking and am still working on this but going out on the road, be it back roads, country roads, anywhere where you don't feel so nervous around traffic. But honestly, girl, you just gotta do it. It's the only way to learn. I wish you luck and believe me - you're gonna LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Sep 21, 2013
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go it alone
by: Jeanette

When I began to ride just over a year ago, my hubby did not want me to take the bike to work or out by myself. I understood but I had to spend time riding by myself to really figure things out... I didn't take chances. I took back roads, slower roads at first. Got comfortable just stopping, going, turning. Not with anyone I had to ride for or with... just me. It was the best thing i did. I learned to ride my own ride. Interestingly enough I rode much better alone. When I made mistakes it alwasy seemed to be when I was riding with hubby. Now I am on my second bike.. A Harley Softail deluxe. Love it and I have put approximately 9400 miles or 15000 klm in the saddle.. I am so comfortable and now so is he.. be safe, be careful, but ride and learn to ride your own ride..Leave him behind for a while and just enjoy... You can do it

Sep 21, 2013
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Your life, your way
by: Karen

Bless your husband for all he loves you. And find a different riding mentor for a while. I don't think it's generally a good idea for spouses to be the ones to teach/coach the other.

In my area I was able to find several motorcycle-related meetups, both co-ed and women only. Ask about their ride culture: I have 2 groups that are experienced riders out for a relaxing time and adoring noobies. They always start with a 5 min "how to ride together" and signal explanation. They always reinforce "ride your own ride." And they always have someone who volunteers for "sweep" position - WANTING to be the last one through to be there to help anyone who has any kind of problem come up. Sweep position is a huge honor, because it has to be a very experienced rider and they get the satisfaction of being helpful.

You're right on - riding is learned by riding. And you can find some circumstances that help both you and your husband feel confident and safe.

Sep 21, 2013
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ride
by: Yvonne - FL

Personally, riding the neighborhood is harder than the open road. My husband tried the same thing with me, insisted going on the road. Too many turns and slowing down in the neighborhood, no problems now. The open road you have to learn to keep up with the traffic, usually going straight. You'll be fine, if you have to, leave him in the wind. Keep the shiny side up.

Sep 21, 2013
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Hang in there!
by: LBT

I understand where you and your husband are coming from. I too am a new rider and my husband has been great to ride with me and help anyway that he can. He is a little opposite of yours in that he encourages me to ride out on the roads and really didn't want me in the parking lots. They are great for getting your basic skills but you at some point need to go out into traffic etc.
We have a "rule" that if I go riding alone that I tell someone - him, a friend, family member - someone who knows a general idea of where I am going and how long I plan to be gone. Maybe that will help your husband be more comfortable with you riding by yourself.
Hang in there - I get discouraged too but remember that everyone had to start somewhere.

Sep 21, 2013
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Ride your own ride
by: Gypsy Spirit

Hi Veronica & Other Ladies ...

Your husband(s) may have a touch of overprotectiveness going on ... think about if it were you teaching your child. You want them to do really well, yet at the same time you want to keep them safe. That part is only natural. Ok. Move on.

As a woman who has been riding for over 40 years, I can say that men and women ride different for the most part. Men have more of a tendency (even if they do not take it to extremes) to go bigger, badder, faster! Women on the other hand, tend to go with more technical expertise, a little more finesse, allowing them to ride hard without necessarily riding fast.

My male friends get frustrated when riding with me on the interstates (which I tend to avoid when possible ... not my style) because I'm content to putt-putt about 70-75 mph and have NO desire to see if I can go over 100 mph! However, on the back mountain roads, these same guys can not keep up with me even though we are going MUCH slower, because I can handle the twisties and the gravel better (be prepared for all kinds of excuses ... like their bike isn't set up for that kind of riding, etc.).

Thinking back to when you first got your car license ... probably the only thing that kept you home was the availability of a car/gas. Apply that kind of thinking to your motorcycle. It's yours. You are licensed. Go when and where you want and ride your own ride.

By the way, though we all do our best not to drop our bikes, we ALL do (men included). It is part of what teaches that finesse. It's part of the reason lighter weight, "knock-around" bikes are recommended for the first couple of seasons. Get out on the field roads and horse trails (or what ever similar is available to you) where traffic isn't such a concern and 20 mph feels like 70 on an interstate.

What ever your style, where ever you ride, NEVER let anyone push you to "keep up"! Riding "over your head" is a sure recipe for disaster! Ride safe and HAVE FUN!

Sep 21, 2013
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Go For it
by: pink rose

You just need to go out by your self and ride ride where ever you need to get out of the hood.Don't tell the old man about it just go.They also have a bike bonding class at your MSF that you can take.My did not want to let me out of parking lots finelly just got out by myself and rode all over even to the store.Now I ride all over and I am glad that I went out by myself,I also joined Woman on wheels and ride with other women that share my passion about riding.Good luck and don't let him hold you back.

Sep 21, 2013
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Over Protective?
by: Sue

Hi Veronica! I am a fairly new rider (this is my second season) and I started out on the open road because that was my neighborhood. I remember riding for the first time on a roadway with the speed limit of 50 mph. It was a little scary at first and I only went about 45 mph. Cars will pass but I just let them and it didn't bother me. I didn't let anyone push me to go faster!! I say try the open road like you said when traffic isn't so busy and go at your own pace. I always rode with my husband leading and was always a few car lengths or more behind. We still ride together and now I am able to keep up with him. I just needed the time and experience out on the road to feel comfortable in my skills. I'm still learning out there! You'll get there. Are you happy with your HD Slim? My first bIke was a sportster and I felt (for me) was top heavy and I ended up dropping it like three times. I considered the Slim but ended up with a Dyna Lowrider and absolutely love it!! Happy riding and stay safe. :)

Sep 21, 2013
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Over Protective
by: Barb

Hi Veronica, Your story sounds almost identical to mine. I started riding in March with a Rebel and my husband was awesome helping me (riding in parking lots) to get my confidence up. He didn't want me on the road until I took the RSC. After I passed that we spent a lot of time riding back roads and he would tell me the same thing, "you're not going fast enough". He has been riding all his life and I knew he was right but I didn't have the confidence to go faster. It all comes in time and there were times when cars in back of me were very forgiving. You don't want to be a hinderance with traffic though because some drivers won't be forgiving. I moved up to a Suzuki 800 after a couple months and I love this bike. My first ride on a high speed bypass was unnerving but it all buids your confidence and adds to the experience. I've actually just did a ride down to The Outer Banks!! I live in Pennsylvania, 10 hour ride. It was awesome. I'm actually now looking for a BMW 800 touring bike. I love doing long trips and cruisers just aren't made for long distance comfort. Don't let your husband pressure you beyond your comfort level until you feel you are ready. Take your time, there's no rush. When you do your 1st ride by yourself, your confidence will soar. Be safe and keep the wheels on the ground!

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