Off to the Wild Blue Yonder

by Melissa
(Vancouver, BC)

I am angry. I don’t mean that I am a little miffed or that I am having a little bit of a temper tantrum. I mean that I am angry. When I am like this, it is best if everyone just leaves me the hell alone. I get on my bike and head out a particular stretch of highway, the pavement there so new it looks almost blue in the distance. I am reminded of the song that pilots sing about the wild blue yonder when I hit that stretch and think yet again how close to flying being on my bike really feels. When I finally come back, I am not angry anymore, or at least, I much calmer and able to think straighter. Crisis averted.

I am sad. It is any number of things that has come bubbling up to the surface, hitting me with an almost physical force. I don’t want to sit here and cry, to wallow in the rawness of these emotions, this feeling of vulnerability. I get on my bike and, fighting back the stinging knot in the back of my throat, I head out to that pretty stretch of road and ride. My mind whirls in a million different directions and then suddenly the peace washes over me. I am no longer miserable; it is only me and the feeling of the road beneath me. I come back much more at peace.

I am lonely. My friends have all married now, off doing things with their husbands and their children. They include me in a number of their events, but they cannot include me in everything and even if they did, I would not go. After all, I don’t always want to feel like the pathetic single in their married world. I do what I can to stay active, always looking for a new event to go to or a charity to take part in, but there are many times when there is simply nothing to do and no one around. I go to my bike, the friend I will always have no matter what, and we race off.

I am happy. I got a promotion. I met a guy. I won five bucks on a lotto scratcher. It doesn’t matter why I am happy; it is just good that I am. I am on my bike, feeling the wind on my face and the pure joy that is coursing through me. I ride because I am happy; I ride because I am sad, or mad or lonely. I ride no matter what. Sometimes I ride alone, trailing along the blue of the road, and sometimes I ride with friends or my club mates. I ride to clear my head or to help me think. I ride to stop thinking about stuff. I live for the moment I can get out on my bike and mope for the moments that I cannot. I feel a moment coming on right now. Don’t text me, don’t call me - I am off to the wild blue yonder.

Comments for Off to the Wild Blue Yonder

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Jan 03, 2011
by: Anonymous

I LOVE it!!! I'm quite the same.. unfortunately, I'm still too scared to ride in the snow/ice.. so for now.. the stupid, sad, raw, vulnerable feelings... they're staying put until spring.

Dec 28, 2010
Off to the Wild Blue Yonder
by: Anonymous

Wow, what a story. Wish I had a bike to ride off on. Not married (divorced) and do not always fit in with my married friends. When the sadness comes I wish I could ride off into the sunset. As a matter of fact wish I could keep riding, exploring and not turn back.

Thanks for sharing.


Dec 18, 2010
Wild Blue Yonder
by: Anonymous

I like the story but knowing the weather in Vancouver, it is not always the wild blue yonder. It is the gray blue yonder with rain and wind pelting in your face. I guess those times too can help the feelings of sadness etc. Riding is so focused that whatever was bugging you when you left you don't really have time to thing about it. After the ride feelings are not as intense as before you left for the ride. I hope you are able to ride in all kinds of weather because we have all kinds of feelings.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Dec 17, 2010
toride, to be
by: Anonymous

I love your description, it could not be said better. I feel the same!...wish you the best:ti ride with your soulmate...feel it next to you when you ride and he will find you. He is looking for you.

Dec 17, 2010
I couldn't have said it better!
by: Lizabeth

It is very difficult to convey a feeling with words, but you really nailed it! Great read! Keep the shiny side up and ride safe!

Dec 17, 2010
by: Anonymous

Love your story!

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