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Getting over the fear...

(Oklahoma)

Hey Ladies...I have a small problem here. Last fall I completed the BRC and got my motorcycle endorsement...a month later I bought my first bike, a used 08 Ninja 250. Needless to say I'm in love with riding and always will be! But there's a small issue...it may sound silly and it probably is. I live with my mother and sister...and they are 100% totally against me riding. My mom about has a heart attack every time I say "I'm going riding", and she insists on following me....and we don't even really live in the city. I handle my bike well...I've ridden in traffic quite a few times now and I handle myself perfectly fine.

I'm asking you ladies to please help me think up some good points to bring up to my mom and sister, to get them to understand that I understand the risk in riding, but I can handle myself. Granted...I'm only 18 years old, 5'6" and only weigh 97 pounds...that doesn't help ease their minds at all. I know some of you will probably say, "You're 18, you can do what you want", and yes that IS true...but it can be hard at times being that I live under my mom's roof so I feel I owe her some respect. She has seen me ride, she knows I'm a decent rider, it's mainly the other idiot drivers she is worried about.

Can anyone help me think of some positive points about riding to bring up... that will put their minds at ease a little? I've tried and tried...but the same old, "Its not you I'm worried about, its the other drivers!!" excuse.

Thank you all, and sorry, I know this is kind of a silly post...

Comments for Getting over the fear...

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Apr 28, 2010

Maybe just don't tell her!
by: Sassy2731

Maybe next time just don't tell anyone you are going for a ride. Just get ready and leave. Do you have a cell phone just in case you do have a problem of any kind you can call someone for help? Why have the bike if you cannot ride it? Find some friends that ride and will meet up with you to ride. Let the air out of her tire on her car if you have to get a head start on riding. I know my boys would have done what was necessary to ride so why shouldn't you. Tell her you are grown now and you need to stay in practice of riding just in case you need it for transportation if you car breaks down, gas is going up in price, you need it for the economy, etc. It doesn't sound like she wants to be reasonable with you, so now why should you suffer. Tell her you just need some wind therapy to clear your head and if she is following you that just messes up your therapy. I'm sure you can come up with more. I'm a Mom also and my boys come up with some doosies over the years for me. Also, like I told someone not long ago that said to me it seems like you have lost so many friends to bikes that you should not want to ever ride again. I told him I love to ride and if God is going to take me, he will take me whether I'm on my bike or in bed asleep, or driving in a car. When it is my time to die it will be my time no matter what I'm doing, so why should I give up living life.

Apr 28, 2010

from the author...
by:

Thanks again everyone for the words of support. Yesterday it was BEAUTIFUL out!! I was so excited because I was off work and could go riding (it had been like 2 weeks). Anyways, when I got home from lunch I told my mom that I was going to go for a short ride around our house (there is almost zero traffic around where we live). Of course, she immediately says, 'Alright well I'm gonna have to follow you'. I was prepared for this response, and start talking to her about the great points you ladies have been helping me come up with, and it seemed to help, for about 60 seconds.

She then starts going on with all these ridiculous scenarios, such as, 'What if a car full of guys see you and start following you!' or.. 'What if you have bike trouble? No one will be there to give you a ride!' or.... 'Someone might not pay attention, and will hit you from behind! And what if your bike falls over? You're a little girl you couldn't even begin to pick it up.'

Ugh...so after listening to all this crap, and assuring her how I would handle all these situations, she still is being hysterical. I got so upset that I just threw up my hands and told her I'm going to sell my bike that took me such a long time so save up for. Anyways....done with the rant haha sorry!

In reality...there's nothing that could make me sell my motorcycle, it brings way too much joy in my life (minus the family member constantly putting me down...and the friends who think I'm insane) to even consider selling it. So like a lot of you said, I'll wait it out, and I hope things will get better. I'm going to try to get involved with some other riders, because 99% of my friends think bikes are ridiculous. Thanks again for the support because you guys are the only ones keeping me from pulling my hair out right now!!

Apr 28, 2010

Keep Riding
by: Anita

I got my M license at the age of 40 and my Mom was certainly not thrilled. I explained to her that I have taken all of the necessary safety precautions like taking the motorcycle riding safety course and wearing FULL gear at all times. It was important for me to let her know that I took my safety extremely seriously and that this is something I've always wanted to do and love it. I also promised her that I would not ride the freeway until I had more riding experience. I didn't expect her to be totally supportive, but she felt better knowing that I didn't just get on a bike and start riding without any formal training.

I agree with Barbara - find a group to ride with. Your mom may not feel as comfortable following you when you are the leader of the pack (newbees always get put in front).

If there is an advanced rider course in your area I would suggest taking it. The more formal training you have, the more information you have to let your Mom know that you have the right tools and know how to avoid dangerous situations. Reassure her that you are a safe individual (if you truly are..lol), and do not take chances when it comes to riding which means that she needs to stop following you because it makes you nervous, which in itself could cause you to make a sudden, incorrect move or decision.

Her following you is like following someone in a cage who is drunk. There's absolutely nothing she can do to make riding more safe for you. So please remind her that following you could result in a disastrous situation because it doesn't allow you to focus on riding - which is the ONLY thing you should be doing.

Good luck and safe riding!

Apr 26, 2010

Find a Group to Ride With
by: Barbara - Tulsa, OK

Find a group to ride with that can mentor you and help build those skills. Always wear the proper riding gear, I know it can be hot in Okla, but rater be a little hot that the alternative. Try the Sister in Spirit ladies group know there are several chapters in Okla.

Good luck!

Apr 25, 2010

Getting over the fear...
by: Katherine

I understand exactly where you are coming from. Fortunately or not our love ones are always going to be fearful for us. I am 60 yrs old and have been riding for a year this past February. I ride well, have taken to it like a duck to water. But my children and my partner are all afraid when I get on my bike. I don't get followed only because Phylle claims her hair is turning gray fast enough and she can't stand to see the cars zipping around me.

So my suggestion is to be grateful that someone in your life cares, and hopefully mom and sis will start to live their own lives again and let you do the same.

Be Safe, and good driving.

Apr 25, 2010

I'm a Riding Mom Too!
by: Sassy2731

Well it goes to say that us Mom's will always worry about our kids whatever they do! I ride and both my grown sons (ages 24 & 28) ride. I still worry about them whether they are on their bikes or in a vehicle Or any time I'm not with them. It's not you or my boys but we Mom's just worry about all the other drivers around you and what might happen at any given time. I even worry about my hubby when he goes riding with his buds like yesterday. I worried all day because I didn't ride with them (due to eye problem). It goes to say also that my hubby worries about me riding by myself also even though I've been riding for about 4-5 years now. Just always remember it is not IF you go down but WHEN! And we just worry about the WHEN! I believe it is just a Mom thing. My boys can't stand it when I tell them to be careful out on the road. But it is just a habit of a parent to worry! When we all ride together as a family I don't worry, but when we split up to go home that is when I start to worry the most. It is always better to ride in a group to been seen. One rider is harder for the cages to see and more accidents happen to the single riders, so just make sure you are seen night or day. And wear all of your protective gear at all times no matter what others may say or tease you. I've been teased for years for wearing mine even in the hottest Texas summer heat, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Just mention to your Mom that you always wear your gear and you always watch the other drivers and you know what you are doing. (My boys tell me that) and it does seem to help a bit, but the worry will still always there. I know I'm a Mom Rider!!

Apr 25, 2010

Pump up the Riding Gear
by: @Dozenroses13

I agree with Suzie. Ride as if you're going to crash. Wear a jacket with armor, full face helmet, gloves, over the ankle boots, etc. at all times. Assure her that if someone does hit you it will minimize the damage. There is always a chance someone will hit you. That goes if you're on your bike or in your car. I'm 32 and still get slack from my Mom too. I rode yesterday and wrote about it. Check it out:

http://dozenroses13.wordpress.com/2010/04/25/out-for-a-ride/

Good luck with Mom.

Apr 25, 2010

MOM
by: Lori

I do agree with time it will get a little easier for your Mom. Why I say this because I'm a Mom too.

Both my kids have Rockets . My husband and I have Harley's. I know what they do on their bikes. It is still hard for me....... But!!!!!
They also feel the same about us riding too.....
You don't get over it, you just accept it a little easier.........I'm sure she will come around in time. One thing I would do is tell her to stop following me...I know when I had to follow one of my kids in the car while they were riding. I was ready to run people over in my truck if they did something wrong to my kid. It's a MOM thing. We now go for rides together time to time....... Hope things get better soon!!!

Apr 25, 2010

Thanks!
by: the author

I'm overwhelmed by all the helpful responses from you all, thanks so much!! You've brought up some excellent points, I think they will help a lot.

Thanks again! :)

Apr 25, 2010

Fear
by: suzie

If I was your mom, I would feel the same way. You are riding a crotch rocket and they are known for their speed, a speed that you really do not need..I have ridden on and off the road for years..ride defensively watch out for the cages....dress like you are gonna crash, not in sandals and shorts like many of the RC riders. Remember to look at all when riding cause cages really don't look and some of them just LIKE to f--- with ya

Apr 25, 2010

It will get better....
by: Sharon

She will get better with time....I'm 56 years old and when my dad found out I had a bike he liked to had gone ballistic....he lives out of state and that makes it better for me but he would call me 4 or 5 times a day to make sure I was ok...lol...now he doesn't call so much...so hang in there and she will get used to it...

Apr 25, 2010

Getting over the fear...ditch Mom!
by: Mich

Don't feel bad, I am turning 34 in 2 weeks, own my own but yet I have kept the fact that I got licensed last September & bought a new bike in January as a secret from my family, my Mother especially. I just don't want to hear their mouths nor do I want them to do to me what your Mother is doing to you...which is making you a nervous wreck. You see it is healthy to have a little fear & respect for your bike and to be cautious but to be made into a nervous nelly is only going to kill your confidence and perhaps make you over react when operating your bike. This is why I only ride with my male friends that make me get out there & do it. They do not instill fear in me, if anything they force me to shake it off. My best advice to you is find some experienced riders to practice with & do not allow your Mom to follow you or be a part of your practicing. Tell her to keep her commentary to herself because she is only making you more nervous and effecting your skills. Tell her you are going to do this no matter what...would she rather you become a skilled rider that can make emergency stops & feel enough at ease on your bike to scan the roads for possible dangers or would she rather you be a nervous shaking wreck that drops the bike & get hurt? Tell her the choice is hers & she is only hindering your advancement.

Apr 25, 2010

Show Them You Are Smart
by: riderRN

Always, always wear a helmet!! - it'll help ease their anxiety a little, I know it does for my family ;)

Apr 25, 2010

Mothers Love :)
by: Jeanie Whalan

Hun, it isn't your age or your size, it's only because they love you and that's great. But they do need to let go, this is what you want to do and there is no better feeling than to ride on a beautiful day. Try to get them to understand you are an individual that has your own dreams even tho they may not agree. Your mom raised you to be an independent person and now she needs to respect what she has raised. Anything can happen to anyone at anytime and when it's your time to go. I believe God says when n where and no one can stop it whether they are at home or following you. Just be safe out there as we all have to be..

Apr 25, 2010

Not Silly at All!
by: Linda

Not silly at all - years back I got my permit to ride a motorcycle but I was still living at home (it was just my mom and me at that point) and she was very nervous about it. So I let it expire. But time is a good teacher, and patience with your family will pay off. They will build confidence in you (as you will too). Just gently remind them that you are very aware of the other drivers, you don't take risks, and best of all - you're doing something you love. I now have my license, LOVE to ride (used to be a passenger when my wonderful boyfriend at the time had one) and just truly love the experience. Now being a driver - the thrill is even greater!! Patience and confidence will help! All the best, and congrats on your new journey!!

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