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You Are Gonna Die!

by Lori
(MI)

Honda Rebel 250

How many women out there have those nay sayers trying to squelch your visions of open roads, wind in your face, Live to Ride desire that pulses through your viens?

Call it mid life crisis, call it what you will all I know is I wanna ride.

A little about me, closing in on 50, married nearly 30 years, children raised and always have had a passion for riding motorcycles. Married to the love of my life but he is also my biggest nay sayer, he can't believe that I am even considering a motorcycle. They are so dangerous, I will be seriously hurt or worse yet, "You are gonna die."

I have tried to no avail to use analogies of other things that we do in our everyday lives, ie. driving a car, in which we could also be hurt. I have come to believe that nothing will change his mind.

Of course when I started to pursue this I had no motorcycle and no real plan as to how I would get one but I am a firm believer in where there is a will there is a way and I can be very resourceful. My wonderful husband wasn't to worried, seemed as if he was humored by my dream but then it happened, I got a bike.

I had sent an email to my brother, who has been a rider for many years and also has a tendency to buy a good bike when he sees it, inquiring if he had a bike that would make a good starter bike for me and not so surprising, he did! A week later my brother made the 140 mile trek to bring me a bike to use, I didn't even have to buy a bike. I now have a Honda Rebel 250 and my dear husband is looking at me in total disbelief.

I really was not planning on this being a huge issue but it certainly has turned into one, BIG HUGE!

Any advice as to how I should handle this situation? Do I just continue my pursuit of adventure and not listen to his negativity? Do I try to sway his way of thinking? I am really struggling with this, I have always been someone's daughter, someone's wife, someone's mother and I have a desire I want to fulfill for ME...I want to be A LADY RIDER!

This is very disheartening.

Comments for You Are Gonna Die!

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Jul 19, 2011

Bike Down!
by: Lori

End of the class doing my testing dropped the bike...automatic fail! DANG IT! I did very well up until that point. Made it through all the testing for the BRC, only 6 points, actually second best in my group, at this point Then the MOST test for the state of MI, I did a stop, rolled the throttle, scared me, panicked and I lost my balance, down she went. So mad at myself!!!

Going back in August for a second shot.

Keep your fingers crossed for me Ladies!

Until August...I will continue to practice and maybe I will get at least a little riding in this year.

Jul 16, 2011

Day 2 Down
by: Anonymous

OK, just finished day 2 of the MSF course, Whew! Tomorrow 2 more hours of range time and then the test. What a difference asphalt makes...been riding the last month in grass and on a dirt driveway (at home).

A lot more confident with turning and am feeling like I can really do this. This course is a must for everyone, so much information and I have to give credit to our coaches, they are fabulous!!! Will let ya all know how tomorrow goes.

Ride Safe!

Jul 10, 2011

I feel you, sister!
by: Stephanie

I'm sort of in the same boat at the moment, too. I'm not married, have no kids, pushing 39, and my family (especially my parents) have flat out said "No, you can't.", or, in the case of my father's remark: Women don't ride motorcycles. My Mom's convinced that I'll kill myself if I get one and asked on many occasions why can't I just drive a car like "normal" people. I've been looking into getting a license and my own bike for 10 years now, the only thing that sets me back is I'm in a bit of credit card debt now and have to make sure I pay it first. I love my parents, but this is MY decision to make and when the time comes, I intend to make it. That's one thing I've learned from this website. My folks may not like the idea, but I'm assuming they'll support it when it happens.

You may not be able to change hubby's mind, but if he truly loves you, he'll support you in whatever your decision will be. And as stated earlier, if he doesn't, remind him that it's your dream, not his. I wish you luck and hope to see you on the road someday! Keep between the ditches!

Jun 28, 2011

You are Gonna Die (aka I'm scared to try).
by: Vulcan 900, Sweet

My husband is a police officer and the stories he tells me are truly gruesome, he even wants to show me pictures of accidents to deter me. After all that, HE is my biggest supporter (him and my mother believe it or not). He has helped me pick out both my bikes - a Yamaha Virago 250 and my sweet Kawasaki Vulcan 900. (I really did and do trust his opinions even though he doesn't ride and never will). Still every time I go out I hear of the "left turn" accidents that seem to be happening everywhere - left turn meaning the CAR DRIVERS that didn't see the bikes as THEY made the left hand turns - and ya know what, I take his heeding to heart and I consider them when I'm riding so hear the precautions out of the criticism and use them to be a better motorcyclist - it's to your benefit. Practice and Enjoy - I love riding - I'm not out a lot and people try to sway me to do other things but i keep going out anyway especially when i feel like i'm losing it - I go out and reaffirm that i know what I'm doing and it feels like nothing else in this world. I'm not trying to break any time or mileage records and my bike isn't going anywhere. It's there for me. I go when i can. I try new things when i can and venture to new places. Be careful out there!

Jun 21, 2011

We all have your back on this one!
by: Angela Cassel

It's great to see all others on the same page as you! Now you KNOW you aren't alone in this one, I am a mother of two boys, one who is mentally disabled and a good husband of 15 steady good years but unfortunately, always wore the pants. For years my father as well even though both parents raised me on the back or their bikes did not want their LITTLE GIRL riding a BIG MOTORCYCLE, I tried many times to raise the funds, I even tried to gather what I needed to build a bike my self but no title's and no knowledge.

I waited years and saved as much as I could knowing I would do this not listening to any ''you will kill your self'', or ''I'm putting my foot down'' comments from my family, I figured if my husband loved me he would support my dream, and if he didn't, well it's my life not his.

The day I bought my bike both husband and father were upset and it became a big issue and still gets that way from time to time, since my husband doesn't ride, he doesn't understand but I love him for all his faults any how, LOL.

Three years now and I have NO regrets at all, in fact I wished I had the chance to do it years earlier but things work out as they are meant to.
I had my push through moment when I took my riders course, my teacher had little man syndrome and he chose me to pick on, I thought I was going to fail horribly the first day, half way through the second day after being yelled at most of the morning I got mad and decided that this was it, no turning back, don't waist any more of my life waiting or stalling with excuses or thinking what others mite think, that day I aced all the tests, even beat a few of the young guys!

Still learning every day and I am proud to have my OWN bike, my little personal get away, and my confidence builder. Now my father rides with me as an equal, I have the best faith you will be happy in your decision to ride, take care and never look back always look ahead.

Jun 20, 2011

Starting to Ride
by: Ev

Hi there. I think you summed it up in your last paragraph....

You've always been someones daughter, someones wife, someones mother. And not to mention someones bloody housekeeper, someones cook and someones dogs body!

There comes a time in a persons life (I think with a lot of women)when you say...Stuff it! I'm gonna do something for ME for a change. And a lot of the time the husband/parent/child/friend etc... has to realise that you have a life full of dreams too. I suggest you have a few drinks with your husband and tell him how you are disheartened because you don't have HIS support to accomplish YOUR dream. (and usually the sex is pretty good after that too).

Jun 14, 2011

Can't change people, only how you react to them.
by: Steph

First, congrats on making it happen! You are going to be a LADY RIDER. Be proud of the steps you have taken so far.

I too had talked for years about a bike and took another three years to sign up for MSF class. Maybe I would have done it sooner if my husband didn't have a serious distaste for motorcycles and snarl every time he heard one go by the house, maybe not.

The one thing I did make sure he understood is that this was the one big dream of mine (as cliche as it sounds). So that if I never tried riding sometime in my life (even if I ended up hating it) I'd feel like I'd missed out. I believe the actual phrase was "If I die, and never get to ride a motorcycle, I won't forgive myself." Like I'd know the difference at that point...

Back to you and some advice from someone who's been married a whopping 4 years. You can't change his mind with comparisons and the more you try to push it on him the more he will resist. What you CAN do is show him how much you LOVE what you are doing and how important this one thing is to you. Show him how much fun you are having and how proud you are of yourself (because you should be). Tell him it would mean a lot to you if he could be proud of you as much as your are proud of yourself so that you could share this experience with him. But, if he can't do that you won't push him to change his opinion, and hopefully he can at minimum respect your decision to ride, even if not promoting it.

You are going to do everything you can to stay safe on the road (for you and for your family). Enjoy yourself! Sometimes in life we have to find support not from the places we would expect it. Don't be disheartened. You've accomplished something.

Fellow newbie LADY RIDER. :)

Jun 13, 2011

Cosmic Twins!
by: Sandra

I easily could have written your post, except I've only been married 15 years...even had my brother teach me to ride (before MSF class) after dumping my bike in front of my husband, as bro has many years experience!

My husband and I purchased our bikes together; we were both excited. Then I jumped on impulsively, several weeks before MSF course, and tried to just take off out the drive way. Husband was all of a sudden VERY concerned I would kill myself; even went into the house before I let off the clutch so he would not have to watch...and I made a tiny error (HA!) and almost took out a neighbor's mailbox and or children before an ungraceful "dismount" ending in a back somersault out from under my downed 800cc bike. I remembered to hit the kill switch...and just waited for husband to come and yell. He did of course, out of fear, not meanness; and he has never gotten over that intense fear for me. We took the MSF class TOGETHER; but he always asked NOT to be in my mini group during the class because he could not bear to watch. He literally turned his back and had other classmates tell him when I completed an exercise! Successfully of course.

We both passed the class; he says I made it by ONE point - I don't think it was that close at all...but regardless, his "perfection" earned him an offer to become an instructor, proving how much "better" his skills are compared to mine. HEY! I got my license, too!

I want to ride everywhere! I want to take my 13 year old daughter for rides. I am not afraid to tackle Chicago rush hour traffic to ride to work, or to ride at night when animals become a bigger hazard. He cannot imagine such foolishness. For now, I try to take rides that he is comfortable with, which do NOT include riding anywhere together! And I have agreed not to take on a passenger just yet, especially his other "very favorite person in the whole wide world", our daughter.

It is DIFFICULT! For BOTH of us! He knows some of his issues are a bit neurotic, and I know that I am not as cautious as a newbie should be. It takes some of the JOY out of owning a bike...but we are working on it. We discussed actually selling our bikes to end the controversy, but neither one of us wants that. So we are trying love, understanding and patience with a dose of respect of each others feelings and concerns.

I really wish it were different, and he was ecstatic about the opportunity to take off together just for the sake of riding. Maybe some day.

Obviously, I have no answers for you, but I'm not giving up! Good luck.

Jun 10, 2011

Just Ride
by: Lynn - Florida

Lori - I feel for you and your husband. When I decided to get my license at age 51, I was engaged at the time and he thought I was crazy.

I had ridden off road & raced as a teen & young adult and the bug to ride never left me. Motherhood stopped me for several years but once I turned 50 and moved to Florida (lots of riders here), I had to ride again. I was confident in my ability but terrified of the cars. The defensive training in the MSF class really helped and then getting out there and practicing.

I encouraged my fiance to take the class too to give it a try. Once he saw that I graduated, bought a bike and was having fun, he relented, took the class and then announced "I wish I would have tried this sooner!". He loves riding!

I hope your husband will be of similar mind once he sees you are a safe rider. Your Rebel is the same bike that was used in my MSF class. Very easy to ride. HAVE FUN!

Jun 10, 2011

Follow Your Dream
by: Mandie

I agree with all the ladies here on the safety courses also you should have the riding equipment but, it's optional. Is your bike an 86 rebel cause I have the same exact bike!!! such a small world! LOL

Jun 10, 2011

Just go for it!
by: JoAnn

I am 55 and bought my first bike last month after 30+ years as a passenger. I am still in the parking lots as I am terrified (unexpectedly so), but I am determined that I WILL do this. Maybe in my own time, which might be a little slower than normal, but I will do it.

I, too, am constantly hearing horror stories from friends and family. Combine that with the news which seems to be full of deadly bike crashes, and I have to sit on the damned bike for 15 minutes with it running just to get the guts to move it.

Your attitude is amazing -- you are positive and sure. Your husband loves you and you are very lucky in that. But do it for you, sometimes you just have to.

Jun 09, 2011

Safety first
by: Anonymous

I agree with the others - please take a MSF course! You will never regret it and it WILL make you a better rider. I have a Rebel too, and I love it. Got my license last summer - I will be 60 this fall! Enjoy!!

Jun 09, 2011

I know I'm gonna die...we all are.
by: jp

As suggested take the MSF course.

You will likely meet other women new riders there so make friends, find a women rider group and find people to go ride with.

Help hubby deal with this. He sounds like he loves you and is worried about you. Remind him of what a B.... you will be if you don't follow your dream.

Make time to do something he enjoys. And remind him that none of us are getting out of this place alive even if you're not planning on leaving soon.
Introduce hubby to any friends you make that ride.

Encourage him if he shows an interest, (it happens)

You deserve it. Stick to it. I started out at 53 and still riding heavy at 66 with only one small skirmish with a car that resulted in no injuries. I ride with women who've ridden for 20-60 years and are still hale and hearty and having fun.

My worst detractors became my biggest fans once they saw I was serious.

You go girl.

Jun 09, 2011

Go Out Happy!
by: sassy2731

I've bee riding my own now for over 5years. The hubby still does not want me to ride by myself. He thinks if he is with.me I won't get hurt. I once had a man say to me "you know I figured with all the friends you have lost to accidents that you would have stopped riding by now"! I just told him that I believe that when God calls me home it will be my time to go to heaven whether I'm riding my bike or driving a car, or even asleep in my own bed. But if I'm riding my bike I will at least go out happy. He looked at me strange and has not spoken to me since. I guess I made him question his own belief. I say if your kids are grown then go for it and like me I love my wind therapy. I'm planning a girls ride this fall for just us girls here in the Gulf coast of Texas for a nice weekend ride.

Jun 09, 2011

It's all about balance....
by: Chris...in NY

I have been on the back of a motorcycle since I was 13...I just turned 41 and have been piloting my own for 4 years now. The move to the front was a natural transition for me but was also fraught with 'well-intended' grief from the naysayers I call my loved ones..friends, family, etc. It was challenging to develop this skill & gain the confidence I needed when those around me doomed me to fail...albeit from the best place in their hearts. :-) Even my boyfriend--WHO RIDES!!--became distant & initially wouldn't ride with me...

It's hard to identify just ONE way to work around it...we all know it's more about mitigating the {inherent} risk, not eliminating it (which is impossible!) What I did to reassure the naysayers: get training, practice (practice! practice!), all the gear, all the time, don't drink & ride, communicate riding plans in emails (easier than face-to-face at first!), don't share the pucker moments! (avoid the "I told you so's!"), be patient with them (they LOVE you, this is not malicious behavior!), in spite of their attitude, they are curious & apt to have questions...but let THEM open the door to talk about it (don't push it on them)...when they do (& they will!) RUN through it!!!! ;-) then back off...they'll come around. One other thing I did...sounds morbid, but...I got all my 'affairs' in order. My Living will, regular will, health care proxy, life insurance docs, etc...I even made sure my wishes were in black & white AND that someone knew where all my documents were...my father lives with me & is entirely dependent upon me--so IF something happened to me he won't wind up on the street.

I hope my tips were helpful...I wish you the best of luck...it does get better!

Jun 09, 2011

re: You Are Gonna Die!
by: Lori

Thanks for the encouragement ladies!!! I am registered for the motorcycle safety course and won't go out on the roads until I have that under my belt. I have been riding around our property, thankfully we have acreage and a really long driveway ;)

I will keep ya'll posted as to how things go, would love to have him join me and who knows maybe in time he will.

As a friend recently said to me...Keep the shiny side up!

Lori

Jun 09, 2011

Re: "Gonna Die"
by: Liz Casey

Hi, sweetie,

Your post really hit home with me. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. Just know that it can and will get better, but the path through this lies within you.

My husband fought me for 12 years about buying a bike, but I never let it go. I kept my dream. I just patiently saw, in my mind's eye, my Harley, riding her, being out in the world, being happy. I aligned with my vision over and over and over. When the time came, my husband's protestations simply melted away. Now, I am launching a motorcycle touring company for women. All this with the love of my life calling them "murder cycles". No lie!

It sounds like you did a similar thing and got your dream, which is the first step. The important thing to remember is that your husband is concerned because he loves you. It sounds like you totally get that. : )

So many people say this very same thing to me or come up and tell me horrific details about a friend or relative that died on a bike. I don't know why human beings do this to each other, but we do. I simply smile and say "That's a really sad story, and I am so sorry for your loss. The thing is: this has nothing to do with my experience on my bike, nor is it something that I carry inside of me when I ride. When I ride, all is right with my world. It's a need inside of me, and I am at peace when I ride, which keeps me safe." They look at me like I am a freak and stop talking.

So, all of this to say that we each create reality with the thoughts that we think. It's simple. What you think about absolutely programs your reality and creates the substance of your life.

Don't ever get on that bike if you can't be clear and happy about it. Don't ever ride upset. Don't ride mad. Ride only when you are at your happiest and fullest. The universe listens to that energy and will keep you safe.

Try as much as possible to ignore the nay-sayers and ride for your joy. Ride for the freedom, the peace, the happiness and your path will be brightly illuminated. Ignore the nay-sayers and check in with your heart. You will always be protected under those circumstances.

I know this sounds "hippy-dippy', but it has kept me safe and happy for over 20 years. Never a mishap has befallen me on my bike. Because I ride for myself and my joy and I stay clear on that.

Have fun out there and please let us all know how it goes for you. We women bikers are all pulling for you, sister.

Hugs,

Liz Casey

Jun 09, 2011

Ride girl, but be safe!
by: Beth

I now am on my second motorcycle and I'm 43. I live in Sunny San Diego and love to ride. Son in College and no longer am working.

I would make a HUGE suggestion. Please take the Motorcycle Safety Class and you can even encourage your husband to take it with you. My husband did and now rides - even more than me! The class is very helpful on riding skills and teaches the awareness of how to watch out for potential risks. After passing the class you get a certificate which gives you at least a 15% discount on your Motorcycle Insurance - and who can't appreciate that!!

Best to you and be safe!

Jun 09, 2011

Enjoy Life!
by: SUE

People will say that and my theory is that they don't want to take the "risk"..and they see woman riding and they want to do it too but the hubby, the kids, the risk...so they don't..Well, let's face the cold hard truth..living life is not easy today..I say ride to your hearts content. I bought a Nightster 1200 and I was told it was "too big", "can't handle it"..my 2nd season..am I a pro..not at all..still make mistakes..but having the time of my life..

Jun 09, 2011

Rider
by: Yvonne

I started riding again last year. I have a Honda Shadow 1100. I took it on the rode last year for the first rode trip in the SD hills. My husband, who is an avid rider, didn't think I'd do it.

Well, it's been a year now and back in the Black Hills riding. We've put over 4000 miles on it this past year. I just turned 61. Kids are grown, recently retired, I plan to enjoy life as much as possible. Remember to respect the bike and watch out for the other guy you'll be fine. Need to mention, I was in wreck on a scooter 2 yrs ago, was out of work for 9 mos. Bought my bike while I was on a walker, don't regret it for a second. Drive safe, maybe your husband will decide to join you. I live in NC, we trail the bikes to SD and anywhere else that's a long distance to ride.

Jun 09, 2011

You are gonna die!
by: Linda

I had the same problem with my husband! He did not want me to get a bike, but I did anyway. I think he saw how much fun I was having on mine, so he went and got one himself! I ride a Kawasaki Vulcan, and love it!

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