Help on convincing the parents (mother)...

by Sarah
(Athens, GA)

No, it's not payment methods or choosing the right bike that I have issue with, it's the parents. How do I convince them of letting me get a motorcycle? I've been quite intent on getting a motorcycle for years and now that I've turned 21, I'm beginning to voice my desires to the parents and research these wonderful machines in much more detail. I was hoping that some of you female riders on this forum could share some thoughts on constructing a sound argument suitable against one-hell-of-a-worried mother. For some quick background, I live at home and will do so until I graduate from college (makes for a much cheaper stay) and would like a motorcycle for commuting. Yep, I'm gonna take the MSF safety course, start out with a used 250cc bike, stay off the highway, not ride at night or in the rain, no passengers, wear all the safety gear, practice, practice, practice, stay within my limits, pay for everything myself (have the approx costs on everything, including full coverage insurance), etc. I know this is something that I'll get into eventually, so wouldn't it be best to learn on the streets I've known all my life?

Of course, Mama is scared to death I'll kill myself and that's immediately what she thinks of when I say the word "motorcycle." Sounds like I'll drop it at least once, if not more, but how do I turn "there are those who've crashed and those who will" into a safety argument?? And no, I don't think suggesting stress medication will work...

Please let me know if any of you have strategies that worked personally or can use your mama sense to suggest something that might, cause I REALLY want to ride!!

Thank you!

Comments for Help on convincing the parents (mother)...

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Dec 27, 2011
I sympathize with you & your mom
by: Jenn

I totally get what mom is thinking, and I totally understand what you are going through. I can't tell you that you should wait or just run out and get the scooter...that's a decision that only you can make and only you will know when the time is right. What I can tell you is that mom loves you very much, and is afraid of losing her "little" girl as she still sees you. I believe the best thing for you to do is to have a heart to heart talk with her and acknowledge her fears. I went through this with my mom recently at age 38. My dad had just gotten a motorcycle and they hit some oil on the road, which threw my mom off the bike. She was banged up and suddenly feared for my safety from that incident when I announced 3 months later I found the motorcycle I'm going to purchase.

By acknowledging her feelings and explaining to her exactly how I feel and showing I am responsible by refusing to ride in conditions that are way past my skill level, she reluctantly accepted my decision. Give your mom some time to get used to it, and cut her a little slack, after all, our moms still see us as the baby they cuddled and rocked to sleep and the thought of losing us scares them. She will come around, but you've gotta reassure her and help her past her fears. As for an argument, I can't provide one for you because I'm not you and I'm not you mom. I'm sure that you will come up with the right things to say, but remember, fighting over it only brings out the anger. Good luck to you and keep the sunny side up!

Dec 07, 2011
Don't postpone joy.
by: Debby

I feel your pain. Mom said I could get a mini-bike when I was 10 if I saved and bought it.I saved enough and she changed her mind. So at 24 I bought my first. I have recently gotten back in the saddle at age 48 after being off for years. Mom still insists that I am going to kill myself. I did wreck a few months ago and spent a week in the hospital. I am riding again now. I just explained to her that if I do get killed on a bike, at least I will have died happy doing what I want to do. Life is too short to postpone joy. Now we just don't discuss the issue. Good luck with your decision. Be safe.

Dec 03, 2011
I feel your pain
by: Stephanie

I'm in the same boat. I'm 39, and my folks still tell me what to do and how to live my life. When I firsted expressed interest in riding, they basically said "Over my dead body!", end of discussion. Even though I live on my own, they still rule the roost. When I have enough cash under my belt, I plan on getting on my bike, anyway. Just keep going the way you are, hun. Let mum say what she's thinking, but ultimately, you are responsible for your own actions. Get practicing, get good, and enjoy yourself. I'll be seeing you out on the road, someday. Take care.

Nov 29, 2011
maybe you should just wait...
by: Anonymous

...you're 21, so you're probably about out of college and ready to graduate. Are you sure it's worth it? There will be motorcycles in a year or so...pick your battles.

That said, two things:
1. Your mom knows you better than I do. She might have good reasons, I don't know. What's your driving history like?

2. If she's paying for your life, that gives her the right to tell you what to do. Achieve independence and you can do what you want. If you're financially dependent on her, she would be the one to have to pay for some of your decisions if it doesn't work out.

Good luck to you both.

Nov 09, 2011
Compare to driver's ed.
by: Dawn

I was 40 when I rode again, but here is the argument I presented to my daughter who was terrified mom and dad were going to kill themselves.

We took the MSF which is equal to the driver's training she took in high school. I was terrified when she first started driving, but with practice she became a good driver, just like we will have to practice to become good riders.

We learned safety and avoidance. We took written tests to learn the laws. Just like she did.

We wouldn't ride after dark or with passengers, just like her driver's permit (in MN anyway).

We had to pass a skills test just like she did to drive a car before we got our endorsements.

So, she is allowed to be worried, but no more so than we were when she learned to drive. This is just another evolution, she will adjust just like we did.

Hope you can find the words to ease your mother's worries. Good Luck.

Oct 26, 2011
Enjoy it
by: Thunderous71

As others have said try looking for a course after the basic training. So once your road legal get a month or two under your belt and do a more advanced course.
Take things easy at first and ride in good light, thats not for you BTW its so the car drivers can see you better. Once you get more road time your learn where you need your spider senses (junctions, lights, that tight corner that has a drain cover in the middle of it etc).
Never feel rushed when riding just take it easy, in time you get smoother and faster.

As for your mum, mums worry thats what they do. Just don't get home and say 'Dam truck pull out on me on the way here!', it doesn't help ;)

Oct 24, 2011
by: Susanne

Look into the Atlanta Motorcycle School. They offer advanced classes and it may be the thing that helps put your Moms mind at ease.

Oct 24, 2011
by: Susanne

You sure brought back memories for me. I hinted around with my folks that I wanted a bike and of course they were against it. So I went and bought one for my eighteenth birthday. I asked my Dad to drop me off and that was the end of it. Twenty five years later and they just grin and bear with it. It wouldn't matter your Mom is going to worry. Might I suggest if there are more advanced classes beyond the MSF course to take them. This might help put her mind at ease.

Oct 24, 2011
been there
by: Robin

You've convinced me that you'll be as safe and responsible as humanly possible. Beyond that, everything in life carries risk, and if it's worth it to you, then that's all you can say to your mom. Moms will worry and pray for your safety. There's probably nothing else you can say to reassure her. However, you're an adult. It's time for you to make your own best choices and it's time for your mom to let go and trust you a bit.
My mom will never be comfortable with my riding, so we don't talk about it. I'd like to share my joys and stories with her, but she's got too much fear to enjoy it like I do. We accept each other as we are, despite our differences.
I'm a mom too, and believe me, even though I ride, I NEVER WANT TO SEE MY KIDS ON MOTORCYCLES! You just don't want to see people you love take risks and get hurt. But on the other hand, life is short. Don't wait for anyone to give you permission to live the life you want. The risk will be worth it if you love what you're doing.

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