Are You Ready to Change Your Friends?

by Her Motorcycle
(Southern California)

Women tend to make friends and keep them for a very long time. Sometimes that is a good thing, allowing you to ride the ebb and flow of the tides of life with companions who know where you have been before and where you are likely to be heading in your future. Sometimes, though, the friends that you have now are not the friends you will need in the future. Sometimes, it is time to let a friendship die a graceful death and mourn its loss. Women who ride sometimes have to make the difficult decision to not only change friends and friendships but to change the clubs that they ride with. Knowing when it is time to make these changes can be very difficult and what’s more, it can be heartbreaking when it is actually time to let go.

After joining a group of women riders, Allison was happy, but never really included in the inner circle. While no one was outright rude to her, they did not go out of the way to welcome her either. Meetings would be held in different locations, often with only last minute notice. She was never included in planning road trips and never asked her opinion for anything at all. Lately, whenever she shows up, she has felt even more out of place. She is pretty well convinced that it is time for her to change riding groups, for one that actually welcomes her and makes her feel like she belongs.

After looking around for a while, she finally finds new people, a new riding group that does not just feel like a group, not just like new friends but more like family. She finally feels like she belongs. She is thrilled to death not only to be part of something bigger than herself, but to be wanted and needed. People listen to her when she speaks. They ask her opinion and take her suggestions. The women smile and welcome her with hugs and really want to get to know her.

Sometimes we keep our friends long after the friendship has really fizzled out and died. We ride with people who are there, but not with us. We focus on the road in front of us and ignore the uncomfortable silences stretching out like broken blood veins beside us. We can ride in silence with people whom we do not care to be with any longer, we can ride alone or we can find people who are just as much fun when the bikes fall silent and the road has come to an end. We can be tense peers or warm and welcoming friends as we travel along the road to where we are heading.